As I was trying to articulate yesterday, the practice of law is uniquely stressful. The latest statistics indicate that as many as forty percent of us suffer from depression. Years of study suggest that lawyers also have higher rates of suicide, anxiety, and substance addiction issues than the general population.
If these numbers are to be believed, why is this not seen as a crisis, central to education starting in law school and continuing in CLEs? Is there a really obvious reason? I think there might be.
Lawyers are expected, in most cases, to work long and serious hours in order to make billable hour requirements annually. Back when I was a new lawyer, working for a county as their only GAL in abuse and neglect cases, I was often in court from eight a.m. till eight p.m., many times with only half an hour for lunch and no bathroom breaks at all. The rest of the week was spent in a flurry of emails and calls that I look back on with true sorrow. It was necessary at the time, because of my state's GAL rules, and yet it could not have served my clients. Why?
There were many hours each day when I would be on two or even three calls at once, switching back and forth between them to be sure I heard at least part of each meeting. As a GAL, I am obliged not to just be dead wood in a meeting or a court hearing, but to fully participate, so I did try hard to provide useful information, comment or suggestion. But looking back - how did I think that would even work?
If that sounds crazy, it's because it was. Yet I did it for almost four years, and I even maintained that through pregnancy bedrest. Were those practices mindful? Not even close. Did they feel necessary? Yes. I was working a sixty hour week on a part-time job pay, and even that much time was not truly mindful of my clients or of my own health.
At that time I was raising all four of my daughters, and Smarter than Me Survivor suffered the worst loss of her young life. Right around that time I started to take an accounting of my own life, partially in response to how exhausted and out of step I felt with my kids, and in part because my own mental health was starting to suffer.
It is incumbent upon lawyers to protect themselves, so that they can also protect their families and their clients from a lawyer who is too depressed, anxious or exhausted to function. I've been forthcoming about my own difficulties in this area, but it was really dang hard to find another attorney to talk to, be authentic with, about my struggles. And that just should not be the case.
Even just taking five minutes to assess where you are in life and your career, and where you truly feel you belong, is a start. I've been working on The Five Minute Journal after reading here and here about the value in writing out what you are grateful for each morning, as well as an affirmation, and then revisiting the journal each evening.
It may sound like I am spending a lot of time in 'self care' between a walk each day, the journal, and the meditation, but in fact the three add up to less than an hour. I take a kid along on my walk from time to time, which adds not multitasking but single focus on one child, and also teaches kids to value the quiet and exercise and nature.
None of these things are set in stone, and I don't want anyone to think I have cornered the market on how this works. There is no one perfect way to work in mindfulness and a bit of meditation into a day. For some lawyers, a short walk while purposing to clear the mind of all thought could happen at lunch; for another lawyer the practice of yoga and prayer might be the right answer. I don't think there is a "bright line law" on this - but I do think each lawyer should do a bit of research and experiment with things that will work for him or her. Your clients, your family and your own mental health will thank you.
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